Flag Review: Afghanistan

Flags are an unappreciated art form. A flag can influence how a person feels about your country, making it a powerful tool for first impressions. Today I begin my flag-reviewing odyssey with the alphabetically first country - Afghanistan.



The current Afghan flag is quite young at just over five years old. The country has changed it's flag over twenty times since the 18th century, so don't get too attached to this one.

The current incarnation is not nearly as whimsical as, say the all-black rectangle they used until 1901, but it does hold much more detail. Up until 1928, the powers that be in Kabul just could not let go of that black background, daring only to add white to it in several different designs. In 1928 they broke the colour barrier and switched to the same Black-Red-Green stripe scheme we see on today's flag, with a central design of the sun rising over snow-capped mountains wrapped in a wreath of wheat...so exactly what everyone thinks of when someone says "Afghanistan".

They weren't done tinkering there, though. The flag went under several overhauls before arriving at the design we know today. A personal favourite is the flag designed by the Taliban in 1996 - a plain white rectangle. Maybe it was an effort to undo the damage done by the unlucky pre-1901 all-black flag, because it sure wasn't an act of surrender.

Back to the current flag. The mosque and Arabic script in the centre inspire fear and foreboding because I've never been in a mosque and I can't read Arabic. The unfamiliar can be very frightening.

The leftmost vertical stripe is black, which I can only assume represents the war, death, and oppression that have afflicted the nation for the last half-century. The red vertical stripe in the middle represents the blood spilled to make Afghanistan the socioeconomic and geopolitical power we know today. The green vertical stripe on the right represents the fertile soil that gives rise to the lush vegetation that is a classic characteristic of modern Afghanistan.

Lookalike of the Day: Rick Fox vs. Tony Gonzalez

SIZE
Tony: 6'5", 250 lbs.
Rick: 6'7", 230 lbs.
Winner: Tony, because I'd rather be 6'5", 230.

YOUTH
Tony: Shared high school athlete of the year honors with Tiger Woods, which is pretty good I guess. Played Division I Football AND basketball at Cal.
Rick: Loses some cred for being born in Canada, but gains it back by playing basketball at UNC.
Winner: Tony, because he was the athletic equal of Tiger Woods, at one time anyway. Also, he played college basketball and could have made the NBA. Rick Fox never played college football and could not have made the NFL.

CAREER
Tony: He's made the NFL Pro-Bowl ten times and is considered one of the best tight ends of all time.
Rick: Won three NBA Championships. Played internationally for Canada.
Winner: Tony

LOVE
Tony: Has a child with Lauren Sanchez and is currently married to some hottie named Malia.
Rick: Was married to Vanessa Williams when she was hot and is currently dating Eliza Dushku.He was married to Vanessa Williams and, according to Wikipedia, is currently dating Eliza Dushku.
Winner: Rick. Vanessa Williams was hot back in the day and Eliza Dushku is hot now.

INTANGIBLE
Tony: Once saved a man in a restaurant from choking to death.
Rick: Had a role on HBO's Oz.
Winner: Rick, because even though it was only a TV show, Oz was badass.

OVERALL WINNER: Tony Gonzalez. T-Gon claims ownership of the likeness and henceforth when comparing the two it must be said that Rick Fox looks like Tony Gonzalez, not vice versa.

Entourage Sucks

Entourage used to be funny. At least I thought it did. The show got by for the first few seasons by pandering to every male’s dream life – being rich, famous, and adored by women – but at some point there has to be something beyond that. There isn’t. The show’s shortcomings have always existed it was just easier to ignore them in the beginning while being distracted with swearing, bare breasts, and even the odd joke. Now in its sixth season, the novelty has long since worn off and the show has become a repetitive bore.

Every season essentially boils down to Vince being in a movie and financing his and his friends’ lives of luxury. The climax of each season is whether or not Vince’s movie performs well at the box office.

The problem with the show is that it aims to be funny and lighthearted, but ends up coming off forced and arrogant. The writing feels half-assed. Vince is the least likeable main character of any show I can think of simply because the writers have never bothered to develop him. After six seasons I still don’t know much about him and therefore I don’t care about him. Despite living the fast life of an A-list star, Vince manages to be boring.

Eric, as if participating in some contest of monotonous one-upmanship, is even more boring than Vince. After a couple of seasons Eric acquired a desire to escape Vince’s shadow and made efforts to further his own career as a Hollywood manager, but Eric always ends up back where he started - at Vince’s right hand. The efforts to develop Eric’s character are incredibly uninteresting - oh boy, Eric is managing Bow Wow, I sure hope they both succeed! Eric is at his most annoying when he’s in a relationship. You see Eric isn’t a womanizer like Vince. No, he’s supposed to be the caring, sensitive type only it comes off as neurotic and irritating.

Turtle, the pot-smoking driver manages to remain likable even without much material to work with - Look, Turtle's smoking more weed, get it?!. The first try at developing his character was truly inspired…they made him an aspiring talent manager. Gosh, maybe he and E should go in to business together! He discovered rapper Saigon and then got screwed. That was then end of Turtles career in talent management. Now, after six years, he’s feeling worthless from leeching off Vince for so long and he’s going back to school. But get a load of this: he drives to school in a Ferrari with Vince!

Johnny Drama, despite having the most flawed character, is the most likeable part of the cast. Despite being the antithesis to Vince’s success, Drama is the show’s only source of anything resembling consistent laughs. He and Turtle play well off of each other and Drama’s constant insults toward E and Turtle despite his own shortcomings make him somewhat endearing.

Ari is manic and vulgar. Still. If you’ve only seen the first episode of Entourage you could watch the newest episode this week and have missed nothing in regards to Ari’s character. He owns his own agency now, so I guess that’s something. Even though Ari never changes, his constant slurs and cursing do provide some mild entertainment.

This show could have been so much more. If a single person involved with it could have seen beyond his own self-satisfaction it could have been a classic. Instead it has steadily declined to the point of irrelevance. The show seems to flaunt the lives of excess led by the stars and instead of providing me with an escape into their world it makes me feel angry because those douchebags are living like that and I’m not.

Stop Pronouncing it "Shedule"

Nobody says "shool", we say "skool". Everyone knows this. Similarly, it's "skedule" yet an insufferable segment of English-speakers persist in pronouncing it "shedule". How is this still happening? Is it that they really don't know how to pronounce it, or do they intentionally do it out of some misplaced sense of non-conformity? Its a common word, you should know how to say it by now.

Saying "shedule" doesn't make you different, or smarter. At best it makes you sound pretentious. At worst it makes you sound like an idiot.

Breaking: Favre is a Douche

Brett Favre is embarrassing himself. Not a groundbreaking sentiment, I know. But, I was a Brett Favre fan. Loved him even. I was the guy smiling as the announcers fawned over his on-field antics while everyone else in the room cringed and rolled their eyes.

Then he changed. Or, more accurately, his real nature finally surfaced. The nature that had been suppressed his entire career only by constant adulation and ego-stroking. Once all that stopped, so did the boyish charm and the good ol' Southern likability. Out game the surly, vindictive Brett.

Since throwing that back-breaking, season-ending INT in the 2008 NFC Championship Game, he has gone about destroying his own legacy so thoroughly it almost seems intentional.

Less than two months after that game came the tearful retirement. He swore he had nothing left to give and could no longer subject his beat-up old body to the pounding of an NFL season. He claimed it had nothing to do with Packers GM Ted Thompson refusing to allow the organization to be handcuffed by Favre's indecision for yet another off-season. Then he changed his mind and asked to be released, Thompson refused and that's when the real legacy destruction began.

Favre broke his silence on, of all things, Fox News and claimed he was never fully committed to retirement. Apparently Thompson called Favre's bluff and Number 4 had no problem calling a press conference and lying to everyone to keep up the charade.

Favre allegedly engaged in surreptitious talks with the divisional rival Vikings, prompting the Packers to file tampering charges.

The Packers finally traded him to the New York Jets, leading them to an 8-3 record before losing 4 out of the last 5 games and missing the playoffs.

Shortly after the season ended, Favre retired again.

A few moths later he again asked to be released, and the Jets obliged. He had shoulder surgery, ostensibly to prepare for the upcoming season. Rumors again resurfaced that he was planning another comeback and again the Vikings were the rumored destination.

Now Favre is on the brink of signing with the Vikings and his long road of spite is nearly complete. Almost a year and a half after the Packers had the audacity to ask him for a decision so they could prepare for the draft and the upcoming season, Favre will sign with the team's rival. They will play twice this year, the first matchup a Monday Night game in Minnesota. The spotlight will shine brightly on Brett Favre, just the way he likes it.

Since his last game as a Packer, Favre has conducted himself with as little dignity as possible. Neither he nor anyone close to him has shown the least bit of concern about his legacy and that may be the saddest part of all. Now he will be remembered as a great QB who just didn't know when to hang 'em up. He will be remembered for the turmoil that marked the last few years of his otherwise stellar career. He will be remembered as a selfish, spiteful man instead of that endearing, boyish football player so many people, like me, want to remember.

But I just can't.